Curveballs

Being a mom is hard work. It's been a few months since I have posted because it's been hard to find the right words. As a family we have been through a lot. Last time I posted I spoke of our puppy problems and my husbands new job. I would give anything in the world to go back to that week and the stress that I was dealing with compared to what came after. On July 15 my father-in-law passed away unexpectedly. My son was only 2 months old. My husband and I had just turned 25. We were so close to him. Literally living on the other end of the street from each other, spending around 3-4 days at his house. He was a man of character that you just don't find very often. He was strong in his values, kind in his words, growing leaps and bounds in his faith, and loved his family more than anything in the world. I feel honored to have known him for the 3 years that I did and to have become as close to him as I did. It has been hard though. Neither of us were prepared to lose a parent or a best friend. We also had the stress of raising a baby through all of the pain. Never did I have a chance where I could just say forget the world and sleep for days to try to 'escape' reality. I had a baby to attend to who didn't understand anything about the world. I'm incredibly thankful that he didn't have to feel such sadness and pain, but I'm incredibly sad that he will never know his Grandpa personally. His legacy shall live on in our household and our children will know as much about him as we can share, but I wish that we all had the next 20 years like we had planned.

I'm hoping that passing this tough topic and something that I felt like I had to deal with will help me be able to post about other more light hearted things in the future.

Puppies

I have a baby that is 7 weeks old and not really sleeping through the night. A husband that just started a new job working a full 40 hours a week and I'm more sleep deprived than ever ( I'm not even back to work)! Seems like a great time to get a puppy right?!?! We've wanted one for a while now and came across a cute little guy for free. I figured since I already have to get up in the middle of the night and I'm home for the summer it would be a good time to take it on. WRONG! Let me give you a piece of advice. Do not under any circumstance take on a puppy and a newborn at the same time! You may feel like superwoman while rocking your screaming baby, holding the pacifier in, trying to eat dinner, answering the phone, and changing the tv channel all at the same time, but puppies are MEAN! This little fella has been more stressful than the baby, more stressful than being a first time mom, and more stressful than trying to live on 4 hours of sleep each night. Somehow through all the accidents in the house, the chewing of walls, the biting, the scratching and the howling we grew attached to him. We like him, he just makes my life hell when I'm alone. So, needless to say, after many nights of going back and forth this puppy will soon be finding a new home. It's not fair to him and I frankly am fed up with him. It was a hard choice and we are truly sad to see him go, but listen to me when I say having a newborn and a new puppy does not mix. One is screaming and red in the face because he wants to eat and at the same time the other is peeing all over your house.

Mom Breaks

I love being a mom. I love watching my son grow and explore and learn more about the world each day. I love sitting and snuggling at 4am while he eats. I love getting to kiss his chunky little cheeks. To be honest though, sometimes I just need a break. I call them "mom breaks". I need that time with friends or heck even just to go run errands where I don't have to be responsible for his every need. I don't have to be the one to jump up when he cries or try to get him to sleep when he's fighting it so hard. For this I give great praise to my wonderful husband who sees my need and lets me go before I have a break down. He is such a hands on dad and I couldn't love this more about him. He's working to support us and yet when he gets home at the end of a long day he still uses his time to love on his son and to give me a break. For this I can never thank him more.

Yes, I've been peed on!

People seem fascinated by the idea of baby boys peeing on you while having their diapers changed. It happens frequently around here. If you are lucky enough, there is a diaper handy to catch it with, but sometimes there isn't. I'm not a part of the crowd that wastes wipes, washcloths, napkins, etc. to make "pee tents" just in case he decides to pee. I'll block it with my hand if I have to. Really though, I'd much rather be peed on than puked or pooped on.

Sleep...A Whole New Ballgame

I've never classified myself as a "morning person". I didn't like to be woken up before I had to be up, I didn't like to interact once I got up, and I was just down right grumpy some mornings. Fast forward to having a newborn. It's no big deal to me to wake up after only sleeping for 3 hours. It's not even a big deal to me to have to get up before falling back asleep. If I sleep 6 hours (thanks to my husband) I feel like I've had a full nights sleep and wake up not knowing what to do while my son still sleeps. I'm sure someday I'll appreciate a full nights sleep again, but right now I'm totally shocked at how well I have been handling my 3 hour stretches!

The first days home

I've been given a lot of advice from family and friends. I've read a lot of books and articles online all about how to take care of my newborn. The do's and don'ts. What I've really learned is every baby is different and every parent is different. A few things that I do which people told me not to do:

• My son sleeps with blankets. He's typically swaddled in one and covered up with one or two more. 
• When he is swaddled, his arms are free. He loves to have his hands next to his face and even if I tucked them in the blanket tight, he would still wiggle them out. 
• I warm his bottles in the microwave. Shake it up when it comes out and there is no "magical hot spot". 
• He sleeps in our room at night. We have a fan on every night and the room is kinda chilly. Thus, why he has blankets. 
• Sometimes he wiggles himself to his side at night. I don't flip him back to his back. I don't wake sleeping babies! 
• We haven't stayed home to "avoid all the germs". Lets face it, he's going to have to come face to face with those germs at some point. Although, I do keep him away from people that are obviously sick. I'm talking about places like grocery stores and family events.

What I learned about giving birth

Two weeks ago, almost to the hour, I went into labor. My, oh my, how my life has changed since then. I am the mother of the most gorgeous little boy you have ever set eyes on. After over 24 hours of labor there are some things that I  learned which no one told me about.

• When your contractions start; you might not feel any pain, whatsoever. In fact, you may have to pay very close attention to even know you are contracting. Trust your instincts and know your body. 
• Don't let anyone talk you into getting an epidural before you feel like you really need it. Everyone told me I should get one, but I made it to 7cm and lasted over 24 hours from the time of my first contraction with absolutely no medicine. Had I gotten the epidural early on, I would have been stuck in bed that whole time. YUCK! 
• Your bed will have lots of levers and buttons on it, which will make people want to mess with it. Don't let them. The bottom part of your bed breaks off for delivery. You don't want to be dumped on the floor. I wasn't, but it was a fear of mine! 
• Your water may break on its own and when it does the pain sky rockets. There was also no question for me as to if my water had broke. It felt like a fire hydrant flushing. 
• Once your  body is ready to begin the delivery process they will let you start pushing through the pain. No one told me HOW to push. A natural instinct just kicked in. 
• Having  my husband next to my bedside every minute was probably the only thing that got me through it. I needed to know I wasn't alone. 
• Once you start pushing through your contractions, you finally feel like you are getting somewhere, and you are learning to deal with the pain; the Dr. will tell you to stop pushing and to "breathe" through the pain. You will want to punch him in the face! 
• Once the baby is born more fluid gushes out of you. I had no idea there could be so much left in there after the first gush. 
• Holding your newborn and seeing your husband hold your newborn are  2 of the best moments of your life. Don't feel bad for not letting friends and family in right away. We waited over an hour! 
• Your body may shake uncontrollably in the minutes after birth. My Dr. said it was a hormone dump and not to fight it because it would make it worse. 
• Ice has never tasted so good. For some reason your mouth becomes like sandpaper while you are pushing. 

It's really May

May 1, 2012. A day that I have been thinking about for months now. Not my due date, that isn't for 2 more weeks, but the start of May. The month my son will be born. It's unbelievable to me that it's actually here. I look down at my stomach and can't believe how long I've waited for this yet how fast it came. Tomorrow at my weekly appointment I will be checked for the first time and have the option to have my membranes swept which could put me into labor within 24 hours if baby is ready. Am I ready? Physically and emotionally yes. Mentally? I'm not quite sure yet.

Happiness isn't money.

As the summer approaches I have a huge decision to make. The family that I currently work for doesn't need me during the summer. Do I find a summer job or do I try harder than ever to push paychecks together so that I can spend a couple of months with my new baby boy. I know what I want to do, but I don't know if it's what I should do. I don't want to make a decision that could negatively impact my new family, but I want to be a mom. I want to be at home through those first months. We have plenty of family that is willing and ready to watch him for us at any moment, but I want to be there. I just need comfort in knowing that our bills will be paid each month with no worries as to how it is going to happen. Money doesn't bring happiness, but watching a baby boy through all of the changes in his first month of life would bring more happiness than I could even begin to understand.

Five weeks remaining

As we anxiously await the arrival of our first son there are many loose ends to tie up. A room to fill, organize, reorganize, and many what-if's to answer. As I put away all of the baby gifts I can't help to think how none of it will be right when the baby actually gets here. It seems to be in the perfect space now, but once the baby is here will it really be the most practical? Is there a practical place for anything?

I'm also starting to get the jitters. I'm not nervous about caring for a baby. I'm not nervous about the crying, the diapers, the feeding, and the other things that first time parents often worry about. The idea of it changing from  just the two of us to three of us scares me. Change scares me. Change has always scared me though and it always works out in the end, so I know that I shouldn't let it get to me. I'm excited about our family growing, to watch my husband be a father, and to spend all of those irreplaceable moments together. I'm just using these last few weeks to soak in the last of "our time".